Everything Happens for a Reason

I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we don't know what that is but it's usually for the best. On May 1 I found out I was pregnant. Ryan and I were not trying so you can imagine how shocked we were. After all the infertility treatments we were given less than 5% chance of conceiving naturally on our own.

As soon as I found out I took a picture of the test with my phone and sent it to Ryan. He didn't think it was mine and when I told him it was he thought I was lying. It was great to be able to surprise him.

We made an appt that next week for bloodwork and ultrasound and at 6 weeks 2 days we saw the heartbeat. That very site brought tears to our eyes. The due date was January 2 (another holiday baby). But we didn't care we were too excited.

Two weeks later I woke with spotting and went to the ER because of my past history. After 6 hours they couldn't find where it was coming from and told us everything was fine with the baby, strong heart beat and measuring to date. I had a follow up two days later with my doctor at 8 weeks 4 days. The baby was measuring 8 weeks 5 days and had a heart rate of 167. But they found 2 cystic masses in the abdomen that they couldn't tell what it was. So I was to come back a week later.

We went in yesterday for an ultrasound and the baby's heart stopped beating. It was measuring 9 weeks 2 days and I was 9 weeks 4 days. I knew in my heart someting was wrong. My uterus had started to collapse so I decided to go ahead and have a D & C.

While my heart is broken and it is difficult there was a reason. The baby was abnormal from the start. We are so blessed to have Carson, he makes the healing so much easier. We have been surrounded by family during this time which also helps tremendously.

It has made me realize how much I miss my friends during this time. Thank you to those who sent me numerous texts and phone calls last night. Your love and support meant the world!